Charlie Sheen and the Trademark Factory

I love trademarks, right? Because that’s what I do, trademark logos and cool sayings, and practice my VATICAN NINJA ASSASSIN moves on other attorneys who try to impede my God-given right to obtain the exclusive use to everyday words and catch phrases and lock them down so other people (i.e., you) have to pay my client a huge fee if you want to use them. You want to say FACE on television, buddy? That will be 10,000 smackeroos, or I’ll see you in court.

GOOGLE me if you think I’m joking, you YAHOO.

I’m the guy who helped get FACEBOOK the rights to BOOK, too, so that none of you literary types could even say the word in connection with anything at all, ever, unless you paid me. You want to open up a BOOK-store? Well, guess what, it’s “Show me the money!!!!” time here in Trademark City. Words are my business, and I will hoot and holler and grunt and even cry in front of the PTO and any commission you care to put me in front of so that I can have exclusive rights to any word I want. Just so you and I are clear:   I have the ability to take common words such as BOX, or TOY — or even THING – and yank them out of the common lexicon.

Don’t know what LEXICON is? Good. That’s my word; I took that one years ago and now nobody even remembers it.

This is part of the strategy I market under the trademark DUH, WINNING, which is a phrase I coined in my ADONIS DNA-altered youth when I accidentally ingested TIGER BLOOD and transformed myself into a televangelist for over 30 seconds, and thereby participated in a divine revelation that eventually resulted in my worldwide nomination as a ROCK STAR FROM MARS.

You think you have LION BLOOD, or AVATAR BLOOD, or SCIENTOLOGY BLOOD like Tom Cruise? You think even tigers can say the words “tiger blood”? Well you don’t, and they can’t, because all of that is related to TIGER BLOOD, which can only be used with my permission.

In fact, anyone who wants to trademark any crazy words or phrases had better just see me first and cut a deal, because otherwise it is just NO GO, and NO DICE and NO WAY and NOT NICE.  (I have trademark applications pending for those too, so you better watch it!)

If you have any questions about how trademarks work, call me on my cell at 1-(DUH)-WIN-NING.

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