Superstar: Is this thing on? So, yeah, like I was saying, I listen to this song on YouTube somebody sent me, like it, and hit the “share” button, and then the tune goes out to my 20 million Facebook followers and my 29 million Twitter followers, and then the artist gets a record deal with Sony or Geffen’s new company or somebody big, and they send me an email thanking me for the shout out and FedEx me a couple tickets to their show at the Hollywood Bowl.
Me: Pretty cool.
SS: I felt like Oprah doing the whole ‘Book Club’ rhumba or something.
Me: Yeah, but you’re skinnier.
SS: That’s true. But then I had this idea, see? I was dating this hot young singer, and she cut this smokin’ new single and I thought, you know, if the Beaver could be an overnight sensation with a gazillion preteens running barefoot after his limo breaking through barricades just to be next to a kid whose voice hasn’t even broken yet then what would happen if I got a few friends to tweet out her new song along with me?
Me: I thought you were too famous to have friends.
SS: That’s funny. So I rounded up all the Kardashians, Kobe, Charlie Sheen, that Claudio Whatshisname from Barcelona, and together we had at least 50 million fans, and we pre-tweeted . . .
Me: Is that a word?
SS: Yeah, yeah, definitely. So we pre-tweeted that we were going to tweet this song the night after, and then Gaga said she’d tweet it too if we told her who it was, and then Sting said he’d tweet it to Elvis Costello who tweeted it to Amy Mann and somehow Sean Penn got involved and then Clooney and Pitt got sucked in along with Angelina Jolie and Gwen Paltrow said she wanted to sing it – and we said “No” – and then we had like 111 million people waiting for this thing so we decided we’d just do it live. I had this little handheld digital recorder and I went over to my girl’s house and said “Hey, baby, could you sing me that new single?” and she said “Sure.”
Me: So she sang it right there barefoot in the living room and didn’t know it was going out to 100 million people?
Me: She had no idea?
SS: Right. Isn’t that totally epic?
Me: Totally. Isn’t she suing you for 100 million dollars now? For copyright infringement and invasion of privacy?
Me: Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. That’s definitely the most expensive tweet in history.